apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
