One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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