She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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