they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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