he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
