Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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