Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize