This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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