just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
