Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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