Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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