I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
