booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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