I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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