Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
