I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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