Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
