We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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