dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
