saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
