So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
