I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
