who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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