I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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