Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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