Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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