LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
