I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
