I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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