When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
