there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
