bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize