Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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