she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
