garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
