tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
