you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
