One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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