thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
