Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
