I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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