I hate all girls vehemently.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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