I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
