This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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