I wanna passion pit in your ass
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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