dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
