how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
