It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
