last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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