People in love make me want to vomit
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
