It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
