a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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