Betty ford says i'm here all night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
