I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
