I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
