i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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