Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
