I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
