There was a lot of him and a little penis
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
