Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
