did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
