i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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