My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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