I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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