You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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