so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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