dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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