im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
