you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
