Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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