I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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