I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
