Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize