That's intense
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
